Refreshing Your Marriage By Looking Forward and Looking Back

If you are anything like me, you feel like you blink and another day is done. No where is this more evident for me than in my marriage. Years fly by and sometimes we can find ourselves married and functioning but lacking good, meaningful emotional intimacy and connection. One of the ways we can build and refresh our marriage is by thinking chronologically. Try communicating with your spouse in the following spheres.

Start by looking back

What drew you to your spouse? What did you like to do when you were dating or early married? What are some of your favorite memories together? What are some times when you laughed together?

Create a timeline of significant events

Go through each year of marriage and write significant things that happened in those years and reflect with each other on how you felt about the marriage and what you were going through. Talk about how those things have gotten you where you are now and have affected your marriage.

Be Present

Talk with your spouse about what is going well right now in the marriage.

What do you currently love about them? In what ways have you seen positive growth in them? What is something could you do right now to show your love? How can you make time for them in this season?

Commit to spending 15 minutes in conversation this week.

Be truly present with them.

Looking Ahead Together

Dream together even if it will never happen.

What would you love to do one day separately and together? What do you hope to work towards together?

Create a mission statement as a couple

Write what you hope your marriage is “known for” and practical steps to achieve that and reassess once a year.

Commit to spending at least 1 hour together each week to talk through the “deeper” things and connect with one another.
Commit to planning a date night together at least once a month. Take turns planning to make it a surprise or plan together.
Commit to doing at least 1 overnight date a year.

Looking forward, being present, and looking ahead can help give your marriage that refresh that it may need. If you need further help “getting out of the rut” in your marriage, our licensed clinicians can help.