Posts Tagged ‘couplestherapy’
Making Way for our New Normal
November 5, 2020
When we were toasting to a new year on January 1, who would have thought we’d spend most of 2020 quarantining and social distancing due to a global pandemic? I certainly didn’t. It has brought couples and families together for better or for worse. There have been unexpected financial burdens, medical crises in your family, and hours of home schooling. We have mastered Zoom, Skype, and every other virtual communication platform to connect us to colleagues, families, and friends. Although we may feel there is too much togetherness at times, we are still longing for CONNECTION.
In a time with so much uncertainty, we still want to be seen, heard, and valued. When both partners are working from home, you may feel there is constant communication.
But is it meaningful communication? Our computers and cell phones are our link to the outside world. Longing for normalcy and for connection outside of our family, we have become addicted to our phones. So, put down your phone and spend quality with your significant other!
Have a picnic dinner by candlelight
Make some sandwiches or order take-out. Throw a blanket on the floor and enjoy each other’s company.
Serve together
Bake cookies and deliver them to an elderly neighbor. Find a ministry collecting canned goods and clean out the boxed / canned items from your pantry.
Pull out the board games
Have some friendly competition. Play three games – and the (winner) best of three gets a backrub from the one who loses.
Get your hands dirty
Start a winter vegetable garden. Use your herbs or vegetables when you cook a meal together.
Bring out the pencil and paper
Sketch each other. Pay attention to each other’s details as you draw the portraits. Clothes optional.
We may be longing for normalcy, for the life we had pre-COVID-19. But we were exhausted and disconnected. Cherish this time of less obligations and less distractions. Cherish the simplicity. Let’s connect, REALLY connect. May we all remember what it means to really embrace the ones we love, and may this become our new normal.
If you need help connecting with your spouse in a meaningful way, contact one of our licensed therapists.
Self-Improvement Tips That Will Help You Move Forward In Success
July 16, 2020
Successful people often have a few common characteristics that have helped them move past their mental roadblocks and into a thriving mindset. There are hundreds of videos and self-help books out there that share success tips and tricks but success boils down to self-improvement and personal growth.
Here are a few things to keep in mind that can help you move forward in success…
Develop A Growth Mindset
Successful people are not afraid of making mistakes and taking on challenges. They leave their fixed mindset behind…the one telling them they’ll never change and their environment will always stay the same… to move into a growth mindset.
People who have a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. They always take away lessons from the negative things that have happened in order to build resilience.
While setbacks happen to everyone, you can keep moving forward in positivity even after a few steps back. That’s what resilience is all about!
For example, instead of thinking, “I really don’t understand this new program at work. I’ll never understand it so I give up!,” try thinking with personal growth in mind, “I don’t know it yet, but I will learn.”
Don’t let the fear of failure be the voice that stands in the way of your success in life.
Create a Plan
Personal development plans help you stay on track and meet your goals. They are a good way to attain more self-awareness and figure out what aspects of personal development have been working and which aspects you need to improve.
Not sure where to start? Grab a notebook or journal and make a commitment to write each day. Evaluate your vision and your values. What does success look like and feel like to you? Create small and measurable steps to get there.
Include periodic check-ins with questions like…
Am I taking care of my mental and physical health?
Am I coping with stress effectively?
Are my goals aligned with my life vision?
Coping with Stress
Coping with stress in a healthy way is an important part of the journey to success. Stress can blur your clarity and focus. It can have an effect on how you eat, sleep, or think. Stress can dampen your productivity and create problems in meaningful relationships.
Managing stress is an important part of your overall health and wellness. Try incorporating some common stress-relieving habits like meditation, exercise, socializing, reading, or simply changing up your environment.
It is also important to know your triggers when you feel extremely overwhelmed and need a break. We understand. You’re tired of just surviving each day. You want something different. You’re ready to take your life back, to gain control over your thoughts and feelings, to repair your relationships. You were made for more than just surviving; you were made to thrive.
Our team of licensed therapists in Fuquay-Varina and Raleigh help struggling individuals, couples, and families gain hope, reclaim their foundation, and move from surviving to thriving.
3 Essential Steps To Becoming An Active Listener
June 11, 2020
Hearing is something we do every day.
We hear the sound of a lawnmower or the sound of a beeping car horn. Our sense of hearing is not necessarily something that we can just “turn off” – it’s involuntary.
On the other hand, active listening is about tuning in to a conversation with motivation and purpose. Active listeners tune in with an intention to connect and participate in a conversation – not just hear.
Active listening can help nourish meaningful relationships in your life. Use these 3 tips that can help you become a more active listener in your relationships.
Master Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal conversation has a lot of deep meaning. You can learn to read and use body language in ways that help build better relationships. Eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and posture affect the way you are communicating.
These nonverbal cues can signal interest, affection, or hostility without saying a word. Before you engage in a conversation, think about all of your nonverbal cues and what they communicate.
Eliminate Distractions
Put down your cell phone and shut off the TV! Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.
Active listeners can tune out distractions and noise to tune into the conversation at hand. In its most basic form, active listening is when someone is listening for meaning and feeling and not just content. When you eliminate background noise and distractions you are signaling that the conversation (and your relationship) is a priority.
Stay Mindful
Mindfulness is an essential part of active listening. When you are mindful, you make a conscious decision to focus on the moment at hand. Mindfulness helps you focus on the here and now which is an especially important skill set. We’re so often triggered by words the words we hear that it’s hard for us to understand what’s really being said.
Remember that mastering communication and the art of active listening is something that takes work in any relationship. The good news is that it’s an achievable goal.
At Foundations Family Therapy, we provide counseling to help strengthen relationships. Whether you are trying to work through something small or on the brink of divorce, counseling can help if you and your partner are ready to work on your relationship. Give us a call today!
4 Spots In Raleigh That Can Help Reduce Anxiety
August 8, 2019
You know the signs…
Rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, and racing thoughts… are all signs of anxiety.
When anxious feelings arise, it’s time to reconnect.
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health symptoms, and, for those who suffer, you are truly not alone in your feelings. Some of the most typical treatments for anxiety involve ways to be present in your environment by engaging with your surroundings. This includes using your five senses, deep breathing, and grounding techniques.
So, what does that really look like here in the City of Oaks? Use these local resources and businesses to calm your anxiety.
NC Museum of Art: Whether you are a lover of art or not, this museum truly has something for everyone. On a humid, Raleigh day, you can mosey around the portraits, statues, and expressive artwork at your leisure. Spend time focusing on the colors, textures, and design of each piece. Reflect on your emotional state when looking at the artwork. What is the artist portraying and how do you feel looking at it? If it’s a cooler Raleigh day, spend time strolling in the outdoor art park. Check out the massive Gyre rings and the spacious amphitheater. On your walk, stop and listen. What do you hear? Be mindful of nature all around you. This outdoor park is connected to the Capital Area Greenway System which has trails all over the Triangle so chances are, there is one near you.
JC Raulston Arboretum: This local arboretum has 10 beautiful acres to explore of botanical gardens. Take some deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth and chances are, you will smell something floral near you. As you walk, focus on the weight of your foot pressing down on the ground beneath you and feel connected, centered with the earth. What can you touch around you? A soft petal, a prickly pinecone, or the weight and feel of your camera in your hand capturing the scenery. It can feel refreshing to wander through the gardens but if you’d like more direction, check out the tours and workshops provided there to socialize with others or learn something new.
Cameron Village Regional Library: Although there are many wonderful local libraries around the Triangle, this one located in the Cameron Village Shopping Center, stands out. Explore the shelves of different genres, peruse the artwork, and say hello to the massive knight sculpture greeting you on the 2nd floor. As you meander through this open, two-story space, feel the sun’s rays shining through the large windows and see if you smell a new book calling your name. Pick up a book, feel the texture of the pages, and be reminded of the way it feels to get lost in a good story. This library as well as others in the area offer a wealth of knowledge in not only books but artistic programs for adults as well as storytimes for the youngsters.
Cinemark Raleigh Grande: Sometimes it can be beneficial to take a break from everyday life and immerse yourself in someone’s else’s story. What better way than the movies? Choose where you want to sit online before you come for optimal space and comfort. Stretch out in a cushy recliner with your feet up and enjoy the ultimate surround sound experience. Grab some yummy food to really engage your senses and take time to savor each bite, each flavor. Try to really slow it down and be present with your meal as well as with the show in front of you. Sometimes simply gaining a new perspective can shift your own.
Give one of these ideas a try the next time you’re struggling with anxious thoughts or feelings, and see if engaging your 5 senses at some great Raleigh attractions helps you to feel grounded and calm.
You may also find that anxiety therapy is helpful in reducing your anxious thoughts. We’re here to help, and we want you to move from surviving to thriving in all areas of your life.
5 Date Night Ideas From A Raleigh, NC Therapist
August 1, 2019
Too busy for date night?
It might be time to rethink your priorities! Couples who commit to spending time together build greater levels of intimacy and trust, better communication, and higher marital satisfaction in general.
The good news is you don’t have to go on an expensive trip to even leave Raleigh. Here are 5 creative date-night ideas that will help you reconnect.
Videri Chocolate Factory
Did you know there’s a Chocolate Factory in Raleigh that’s free to visit? Make a day date to take a self-guided tour through the factory during their chocolate-making hours (M-F from 10am -3pm). Sit down for some conversation at the chocolate counter and enjoy a hot or frozen hot chocolate from the coffee bar.
Sarah P Duke Gardens
Book a trolley tour and ride along the winding paths of the beautiful gardens. Take in all of nature’s beauty in a romantic setting where you can let the stress melt away while you can reconnect and learn more about the rich history of a local treasure. Don’t forget to take a selfie to hang on your fridge to remember the day!
Lafayette Village
If you’re looking for romance For a more romantic setting, stroll down Lafayette Village and take in all this village-style shopping mall has to offer. Have a leisurely lunch and hit up some of the great local shops.
The Rialto
You can’t go wrong with the classic date night of dinner and a movie! The Rialto is the perfect place to check out indie movies in a vintage-style theater. Kick back with some popcorn and enjoy the theater.
FRESH. Local Icecream
Who doesn’t love icecream? FRESH ice cream is the perfect treat any time of day. They produce ice cream right here in their store for you to enjoy. Even if you can’t carve out time for a long dinner date, try carving out 15 minutes to enjoy a cone together.
Whatever you decide for your next date, approach your couples time as an opportunity to connect no matter how briefly.
4 Tips For Improving Communication In Your Marriage From A Raleigh, NC Therapist
July 17, 2019
Even though every relationship has its own strengths and weakness, there are many couples would rank “communication” as a major weakness in their marriage.
Some couples might engage in heated conversations that involve cursing, yelling, and degrading comments while others might give each other the silent treatment. In both instances, the couples are “communicating” but they are not communicating effectively or in the best interest of the relationship.
Conversation is an invitation into someone’s world and a chance to build intimacy in the relationship. So how can we communicate more effectively with our spouse?
Humility
This is the first and most critical aspect of a good relationship and good communication. Humility in communication looks like giving your spouse the “benefit of the doubt” that they are trying to hear you, care for you, and respond to you the best way they know-how.
If each person in the relationship humbles themselves to believe that maybe they could improve their communication and that their spouse is not looking for bad intentions in their communication, a lot of ground can be gained by changing our own attitudes.
Engage In Active Listening
In active listening, the person is listening for meaning and feeling and not just content. The listener is not just waiting to respond, but takes on the mindset of “my only job is to hear, understand, and determine how you are feeling and the meaning behind what you are telling me”.
In its most basic form, active listening involves eye contact, listening for inflection in the conversation, and reflecting some basic feelings or words the person is saying to show you are listening. Before responding, summarize what you hear your spouse telling you.
For example, after a hard day, you might summarize and reflect “wow, so your boss yelled at you and you felt frustrated and anxious”. This gives your spouse the opportunity to correct you if you did not get their feeling or meaning correct and shows that not only did you hear their story but you can empathize with them.
Remember: content is only one part. It will be much less effective if you respond by saying “so your boss yelled at you?” It might feel weird at first, but it will do wonders for your relationship.
Set aside uninterrupted time to talk
We all live busy, digital lives but setting aside time each day (or every couple of days if we’re honest), to sit with our spouse and just talk about something meaningful, hopes, dreams, feelings, insecurities, or disappointments is crucial.
In a world where we can text our spouse all day and not have any intimacy or depth in the communication, it is so vital to make eye contact without screens and engage with one another.
If you need help, start by asking a good open-ended question, like…
“What do you like best about our relationship right now?”
“Is there anything you wish was different about our marriage?”
“What is a way I can support you and show you love right now in a meaningful way?”
“Are you struggling with or dreading anything right now?”
The idea is to move beyond the surface-level conversation. Try to connect with your spouse’s thoughts and feelings.
Laugh Together
Find time to be with your spouse and do something you enjoy. This will help improve communication and your desire to be with one another. Make time for one another and laugh together! Sometimes, good memories and laughing together really is the best medicine.
How Every Relationship Could Benefit From Couple’s Therapy
March 28, 2019
Think about all of the ways your life is enriched through your relationships.
Whether romantically involved or bound by friendship, relationships help provide essential support and nourishment in life.
It’s no secret that relationships require work. They are mutually transformative and grow over time but not without setbacks or challenges.
Successful relationships are based on balance and mutual support making clear communication absolutely necessary.
Relationships are so complex and take finetuning along the path to growth and fulfillment. Here are a few ways Couple’s Therapy can help benefit any relationship.
You Can Learn About Your Partner’s Emotional Needs
Known in the therapy world as EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), this type of therapy specifically focuses on the individual emotional patterns of both people in the relationship. The goal of EFT is to create a secure and trustworthy bond that results in a healthier, happier bond.
Therapy can improve communication so both partners feel heard and understood. It can help couples navigate the complexity of decision-making and goal-setting ensuring each person is making a compromise.
Diving into your history as a couple as well as your individual histories is important. It helps you better understand what specific issues mean to each of you. This will help couples identify and share feelings.
You’ll Gain A Non-judgmental Third Party Perspective
When you are part of the relationship, it’s hard to remove yourself from it and view it without bias. Couple’s Therapy offers professional third party guidance, support, and advice that can help repair or refresh a relationship.
Often times, a therapist understands what you are trying to convey and offers a clear and understandable translation to your partner. Because relationships are built on trust and communication, it’s important to understand how to communicate effectively.
Couples Therapy can help overcome communication obstacles by developing a greater understanding of each other.
You Can Discuss A Variety of Topics
There are a variety of elements that cause strain on a relationship. Couple’s Therapy at Foundations Family Therapy is designed to help couples open up and discuss specific elements of their relationship. It provides a healthy way to analyze individual communication styles, personalities, ambitions, personal values and goals, finances, and conflict resolution.
There is no magic formula that can fix a broken relationship but at Foundations Family Therapy, we’re here to help you reconnect. We help couples connect in a supportive environment at our comfortable Fuquay-Varina and Raleigh offices.
Our couples therapy clients report feeling like their partners understand them better, respect them more, and support them after therapy.
Strengthen your relationship today!
3 Ways To Reflect On The Past Year With Purpose
December 18, 2018
As we are nearing the end of 2018, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the past year. Self-reflection can be a helpful tool in assessing what went well and what to change in the new year. Unfortunately, it can turn into negative self-talk about what we ‘should have’ or ‘could have’ done which hinders our overall growth.
Let’s look at how to reflect with purpose instead of pessimism.
Timeline life events
When you think about 2018, what stands out as significant life events during the year? If it’s helpful, write down each month and a couple key events from each month. Did you change jobs, get married, have a child, or become a grandparent? Document challenging life events too like losing a loved one, divorce, or having to relocate when you didn’t want to. Also, write down the smaller but still meaningful events like trying that painting class you always thought about or learning how to ride a motorcycle. It’s helpful to visualize these linear events to see the progression of the ups and downs in our life. Notice patterns over the year such as multiple negative events impacting your mood or changing jobs really increased your motivation to try a new hobby. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day routine that we forget to look at the big picture and how it is all connected.
Assess your values
Think about what is important to you and the amount of time that you spent doing that in 2018. Sometimes we have great intentions but then there is a disconnect which causes sadness or confusion. Write down a simple list of values such as: love, wealth, family, success, knowledge, friends, free time, freedom, fun, nature, honesty, independence, spirituality, peace, and achievement. Then, rank them from 1 to 15 with 1 being the most important item. Does your 2018 life reflect those values in that order? Sometimes, when I do this activity in sessions, people find that they say that family is #1 but they are rarely home, or they rank spirituality in their top 3 but they struggle to spend time in scripture. For 2019, think about how can your time align with what you value.
Reflect with gratefulness
I know someone who, throughout the year, writes down her thoughts on small pieces of paper and puts them in a jar. She writes down happy things, sad things, big life events or small events. On New Years Day, she reads her jar and reminisces over the past year. This is such a simple but intentional way to reflect with purpose. Make this a goal for the new year to start in January so that next year, you have these moments of time to reflect on from the past year with a grateful heart.
I hope this was helpful in learning to reflect with purpose. Are you thinking about making changes in the new year but aren’t sure what steps to take? Connect with one of us at FFT to help! We have convenient offices in Raleigh and Fuquay-Varina.
Renee Pugh, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
5 Surprisingly Easy Tips for Better Mental Wellness
July 25, 2018
There’s no shortage of information out there on ways to take care of your physical health, but many often overlook the importance of mental wellness. Remember, your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Here are 5 easy tips you can incorporate into your daily routine for better mental wellness.
Take care of your body.
Physical and mental wellness go hand-in-hand. There are so many proven ways exercise helps promote overall wellness. Aim for even a short walk each day. Eat nutritious meals, stay hydrated and incorporate some form of physical activity into your daily routine.
Set realistic goals.
Perfectionism is dangerous and unhealthy. It’s OK to aim high and have goals in life but don’t overdo it! Pushing yourself too hard (physically and mentally) can lead to burnout. Realistic goals will help you feel a great sense of achievement which is wonderful for your confidence and wellbeing.
Build a good support system.
Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Strong family and/or social connections are often a great system of support. Be open and discuss your thoughts, feelings and goals with your group so they can be there for you in good times and in bad.
Manage stress.
Let’s face it, stress is a normal part of life. It’s all about how you manage it. Develop a variety of calming techniques. We recommend meditation and practicing mindfulness. Try to take mental breaks throughout the day to reflect on the present moment and combat anxiety.
Above all, seek help.
The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. — 43.8 million, or 18.5 percent — experiences mental illness in a given year. It’s time to end the stigma surrounding mental health and work to normalize the conversation. It’s OK to seek help for stress, anxiety, depression, relationship problems etc.
At Foundations Family Therapy, we’re here to walk along side of you in the struggle, to help you connect, grow, and change. We provide superior services using evidence based practices. Let us help you be your best self today!
How Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship
June 28, 2018
Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing. Healthy relationships provide a sense of comfort, support and, of course, love. Relationships are special because they allow us to connect to someone in a deeper way. Unfortunately, one thing people often forget is that relationships are also work. They require regular maintenance to keep them running smoothly. Don’t wait until things get out of hand to get help with your relationship. Here are a few ways couple’s therapy can help maintain all the wonderful things about your relationship.
Active participation. Couples therapy is a great way to allow both couples to participate and be heard. This type of participation can provide treatment for you as a couple instead of as two individuals.
Better understanding. Therapy provides a healthy and safe setting where you communicate with your partner. You’ll be able to listen and understand your parents feelings to move forward in repairing or maintaining you relationship.
Reconnection. Better understanding leads to reconnection. Once you identify the issues and make steps to work toward them, you can focus on the positive aspect of your relationship.
Judgement free. At Foundations Family Therapy, you’ll work with one of our Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists [LMFT] who will provide professional guidance and support to both people. This is a great way to get a qualified third-party opinion to help you strengthen your relationship.
Provide solutions. Best of all, couple’s therapy can help provide solutions to your problems as a couple. Your therapist will work to identify the obstacles in your relationship and provide professional recommendations to help you move forward in love and support. Many couples leave therapy having gained insight into their relational patterns, emotional expressions and skills necessary to communicate and problem-solve with their partners more effectively.